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Classes for the sake of the kids

Sometimes divorcing parents don't realise the effect they are having on their children until they see someone else going through the same thing, according to divorce expert Christina McGhee. "It's not rocket science, but it can be difficult to sit back and look at the effect your behaviour may be having on children. In parent education classes, people can suddenly see it in someone else's situation."
This, McGhee says, is just one of the benefits of the compulsory classes she runs for parents in Texas - four-hour courses which courts in the US state insist parents must undergo before they can proceed with a formal divorce.
Such lessons in how to protect children from the harmful effects of divorce are about to begin in Scotland, and the not-too-long-term aim is for them to become compulsory here.
The initiative is a joint one between Relationships Scotland and the Scottish Collaborative Family Law Group. The two agencies (the former is the result of a recent merger between Relate and Family Mediation Scotland) brought McGhee to Scotland to train parent educationalists to replicate her methods.
Known to TV audiences from the Channel 4 series How to Divorce Without Screwing up your Kids, McGhee has had more than two decades of training parents to avoid the common pitfalls of an unpleasant separation.
"It's important to help children feel connected when they go through the process," McGhee explains. "Following a divorce, many children say they don't feel like they have a family any more."
The negative effects are statistically fairly well established, she adds. Children of divorcing parents can see a drop in performance at school, or may suffer depression and mental health issues. There is a high risk of losing contact with the non-resident parent and the child is more likely to be involved in a divorce themselves. "There is a long list of ways in which children are compromised," says McGhee.
In parenting classes, groups of parents - separating partners can attend together or in separate sessions - are helped by facilitators to think through the way their actions may unwittingly affect their children. They are given information about how children may be affected emotionally and developmentally, and trained in positive communication skills.
The issues covered, McGhee explains, include: "How do they talk to their children about separation and divorce, how to deal with it if you have a partner who is bad mouthing you and saying bad things, or perhaps sharing inappropriate adult information with children, and how to manage tension when children are involved."

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